Chapter 17

I stuffed the last bit of my bacon and ham pizza and chewed on it, hoping that it'll finally taste good. But no such luck. I'd hoped the smell of cheese and smoked animal product would at least help me forget about what had happened on the train but all I could do was see that man yelling at us.

"… even though we still have to keep searching, we're quite optimistic," my father said, finishing his riveting story about the eternal search for a new director. If my mind hadn't been occupied with other things, my eyes would probably have been glazing over the way my brother's were. I was both fascinated and disturbed by the fact that Abonim created 'Family Time' yet he seemed to have only one thing to share. And why in the world did he think that anyone really cared that much about their hiring process?

It had been over twenty minutes but I was still deciding if I wanted to talk to my parents about what had happened earlier in the day. It was hard to explain because inasmuch as I wanted to forget it all, I also wanted to vent about it. But I knew that mentioning it would mean that I ran the risk of having my movements restricted and it wasn't like I had that much freedom to start off with. It also meant that I'd have to explain to them that this important class project was a film and since I wasn't taking film studies, I knew that I'd have a hard time explaining it away. But on the other hand, I just wanted to get it off my chest!

The room was filled only with the sounds of the television as we waited for my mother to share her week with us. She cleared her throat. "I've decided that I want to start working again."

My brother glanced at me and I told him with my eyes that I didn't know what she was talking about.

"As we've already discussed, you don't need to work," my father said simply. "My income is more than enough for us."

"You know it's not about the money," my mother said in a far too formal voice. She didn't look at him and instead, for some reason, looked at me. She looked tired even though she somehow had a calm aura surrounding her. "I feel useless sitting at home. I want to take the exam and get licensed here."

"And do what? Start a practice? Work at a clinic? Go door-to-door?"

She shrugged. "I'm taking it one step at a time. After getting my license, I'll figure out what to do."

My father sat silently before he suddenly threw his empty glass on the carpet. I felt my chest tighten as I watched it smash into pieces. My brother made a move to pick up the mess but my father ordered him to sit down. "Why can't you just let us be a family?" my father screamed at my mother.

"We can't be a family if I go back to work?"

"Work, work, work!" my father yelled, getting up. "It's because of your precious work that I barely know my children. For so many years, I wanted you and the kids to live with me but you refused. It's because of this that I've barely spent any time with them! They don't know me, they don't respect me... they don't love me," he said regretfully. "I sacrificed my relationship with them for so many years so why can't you sacrifice your work for a little while?"

"Kids need a stable environment and you know that. It wasn't about my work but because they'd have to relocate so much - that's why they stayed with me in Seoul."

"No. They stayed in Seoul because you were too selfish to leave your job. And now that I put my foot down, you still can't leave your job. You care more about your precious career than your family."

"That's not true," my mother said quietly.

"Then why can't you let us be a normal family? What's so great about you that you can't just stay at home like other women? Isn't that what your mother did? Isn't that what my mother did?" he yelled. "Didn't we turn out well? And our mothers were happy doing this. I think back to the family I had growing up and I want that for us. Why can't you just do what you're supposed to do? Why are you so selfish? What makes you feel —"

My brother stood up. "Appa—"

My father's face turned redder as his fury intensified. "Shut up! What makes you think that you can interrupt me? It's all your mother's fault. She couldn't train you properly and that's why you think you can interrupt me when I'm speaking. And what are you children doing here? Don't you know you should leave when you see adults talking? Get out of here!"



***

I barged into my bedroom as my cell phone rang for the third time. "Guess who?" Min Ki's asked.

Hearing his voice uncorked the emotions I'd bottled up and I immediately got choked up. I blinked rapidly to control the tears but before I knew it, I plopped my body on my bed was sobbing like a baby.

"Jinnie, what's going on? Are you still upset about what happened on the train?" he asked in a raspy voice. "I told you to forget about it, Baby. You won't feel better till you forget about it."

I normally hated being referred to as a baby but his use of the word was the last thing on my mind. All I could think about was how much life sucked. "Op-opp…," I tried to get out but the crying wouldn't let it.

"Jinnie!"

"I-I-I'm so sick of this p-p-place."

"Calm down and tell me what's happening. Jinnie, please."

After a few minutes, I managed to calm myself and tell him all that had happened. Min Ki was silent for a few moments before he said, "Does this normally happen at your family meetings?"

I sat up and sniffed. "No. We usually just talk about boring stuff and eat and I'd normally be fine with all of this, but why today?"

"It's okay. I'm sure it's nothing. You're just feeling overwhelmed because of everything that's happened. I'm sure it's not as bad as you think."

My lips quivered as I tried to control my emotions. I didn't think my mother was going to back down and I was sure my father wasn't either so I knew I had many weeks of living in a tension-filled home ahead of me. As I envisioned it, a fresh batch of tears fell down my cheeks. I had only gotten used to living with my father but now it was only going to get worse. Why?

The whole time I cried, Min Ki kept speaking about nothing really. But it was nice to see he was trying his best to comfort me.

I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand. "Oppa, I just wish you were here."

"I know. Me too."

"I'm sure the day would have gone differently if you were around. I've never felt so scared in my life."

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there."

I'd never really thought of myself as a weak person and in the grand scheme of things, all the crazy guy had done was spit on the ground and yell at us. But what if he'd been a different kind of crazy and attacked us physically? Would all the other riders on the bus have intervened then? Would Ryan have managed to protect us? I already knew that I would have been no match for him and that made me feel so helpless and useless. Min Ki had never been a fighter but he knew how to get tough when the need arose and I just knew I would have felt ten times safer with him at my side.

"I really wish you were here," I repeated. "I really miss you, Oppa."



***

Even though I'd picked up my tray, my feet didn't move. Figuring out where to sit for lunch was hardly rocket science but it was only two days after riding that fateful train and Ryan was sitting with Ali and some of their friends. Ryan, who almost never called me, did so the night before so I could already tell that things had already begun to change with us. I was trying my best to follow Min Ki's advice and just forget about the whole thing but how could I do that when Ryan was a constant reminder of that event? He phoned me and since I knew I didn't want to hear him ask me if I was feeling better, I'd let it go to voicemail and now, I knew I wasn't ready to face him at lunch. Maybe seeing me would make him tell the entire group about it and I wasn't in the mood to relive it.

"Get out of the way," a random guy behind me yelled before shoving me off his path. Half of my glass of juice spilled over my tray wetting the bun I'd placed on it and the rest fell on the floor.

I sighed. It was just what I needed. I dropped my tray on the condiments counter, grabbed some napkins and bent down and dabbed the spill.

"Need some help?" a deep voice asked. I didn't even have to look up to know it was Jonathan. Before I could tell him I was okay, he was already crouched down mopping up the rest of the liquid.

After we'd both thrown the dirty napkins away and I'd gotten a new tray, he said, "I guess it'll be a waste of time for me to ask you to sit with me."

I shook my head. "No, it won't," I said smiling. I never would have guessed that Jonathan would ever come in so handy.

He raised his brow. "You're not sitting with Ali and Ryan today?"

I shook my head again.

He looked at me with widened eyes then chuckled. "If I hadn't come over, where would you have sat?"

I pointed at the Prada Bitches.

He let out a loud laugh of disbelief. "Alright then," he said before leading me to a table where three other people were already sitting. He greeted them with a nod before sitting down and I sat across from him.

"Trouble in Paradise?" he asked as he sprinkled salt on his fries.

"Huh?"

"You and Cho. Fighting? Or is it you and Alison? Not that they are really two different people."

I squinted my eyes in curiosity. "What do you mean?" What was up with him and them?

He bit into a fry and shrugged. "What do you think I mean? Don't you see it?"

I poured some dressing over my salad and picked up my fork. "See what? They are just friends."

He grunted. "Give me a break."

I waited to hear something more but instead, he just bit into his burger and chewed. For an extremely hot guy, he unexpectedly chewed like a goat so I looked away from him and tried to erase the memory of ketchup dripping down the side of his mouth. After about five minutes of silence, something occurred to me. "How come I hardly ever see you with other guys?"

He looked taken aback by my question for a split second before his face reverted to his constant look of arrogance. "Why would I be with other guys?" he asked flirtatiously.

"I mean, guy friends. Shouldn't you be in a clique or something?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "I fly solo. Besides, you can't trust too many people these days."



***



"Su Jin?"

I shut my locker and turned around. Even though for over a week, I'd been successful at avoiding Ryan, I knew that sooner or later, I'd have to face him. I smiled, hoping that it looked natural. "Hi," I said, waving slightly.

He looked at me with unreadable eyes and asked me how I was doing.

I shrugged. "I'm fine." I pointed down the hallway. "I have class now."

He nodded. "Yeah. We have history. Let's go together."

We walked in silence for a few moments then he stopped and said, "I have your copy of last week's notes," he said, taking his bag off his shoulder and unzipping it.

I gestured for him to stop. "You know, I really don't think you should worry yourself about the notes. I keep making you do all that extra work and it's not fair to you. If you aren't there to help me, I'd have to force myself to learn to take my own notes, don't you think?"

He stared at me for a few moments, frowned then zipped up his bag. We walked in silence for a few more moments before he stopped at the entrance of our classroom. "You didn't come over on Saturday."

I nodded. "Yeah, sorry about that. The thing is I'm not sure I can do the movie anymore…." My voice trailed off as I tried to come up with a reasonable excuse but my mind had gone completely blank.

He glared at me, shook his head in disappointment then turned around to walk into the class. He'd only taken about two steps when he suddenly turned to face me. "Let's talk after school."

I started to shake my head when Ms. Saunders walked into class. "Go to your seats!"

After grabbing a seat and class had begun, I looked over at Ryan and as if he felt my eyes on him, he looked back at me. My heart skipped a beat as I quickly looked away and over at my teacher. I really wasn't made for all this tension. I took a deep breath in, opened my notebook and tried to come up with possible responses to any questions Ryan Cho might have for me.